SHUT UP AND GET OUT OF THE WAY!

Mental illness is looked upon as being a negative thing.

Those who have mental illnesses are usually expected to act or behave in a negative manner.

Those who perpetrated all the school shootings were all announced to have a serious mental illness, with one exception, Columbine.

Did their disorder cause them to commit the act they did?

Were they in their right mind?

Maybe not.

But, that does not mean that all that have one disorder or another are going to commit an extreme act such as the school shootings.

We are not always at danger to have an episode or breakdown.

We usually recognize our stressors and/or triggers, and remove ourselves from the situation before things escalate.

Quite often we are not the ones who instigated the situation in the first place and we are not the ones who keep pushing the issue.

Family and loved ones of the individual who just happens to have a mental illness(es) just do not understand what they are doing.

They usually do not understand that talking with an ill person is not the same as talking with a so-called "normal" person.

Our minds work differently and we usually will react differently.

But we still deserve the benefit of the doubt as it would be with anyone else.

Still, we are expected to act "crazy", "abnormal", to "over react", become "dangerous", and to behave as someone who is "insane".

Say the word "insane" to me and I will react as someone who just got called a "nigger".

It is a hateful and ignorant word.

Completely negative and evil.

Oh man, how archaic that "term" is.

I have observed in my life that those around me, when they are around me, treat me differently as they do with the others.

They're careful at what they say, when they would not hesitate to speak in the manner they are trying to avoid using around me with any one else in their life.

Like if they don't, they might say something that will set me off or cause a harm.

I'm not a helpless infant, I deserve and expect the same respect as anyone else does.

And why does everyone try so hard to be happy around us?

What makes a negative environment is not people being sad, angry or hurt around us.
We are no different than anyone else.
We just happen to have a mental illness(es).

I will admit that I am more sensitive to situations and the such than most laypersons.

I have faced too many bad situations and have had too many unfortunate conversations.

I don't always realize what I am doing or what I am saying.
I don't always how my behaviour is.

That's why i have been diagnosed with serious mood and anxiety disorders.
And why I take medications for them.

I'm still looking for a good therapy that would suit me best.

I will say this, what is going on with and in me is no one else's business. No one needs to know anything about me in regards to how I behave sometimes.

If I want anyone to know I will be the one to tell them.

Talking about me behind my back is never a smart thing to do, I always seem to know when they have been.
It's all in how they behave around me and how they talk to me.

Their eyes give them away everytime.
I am good at reading people and their behaviour around me.

I don't like, nor do I need fake friends and loved ones.

That is just a major hinderance.
And why I feel I am in a most negative environment.

Now, I'm not saying that I am totally blameless in anything. I tend to behave differently around them as they do with me, unknowingly.

Still, the responsibility for my actions, words and behaviour is mine alone.
As it is with the others.

Society in general is ignorant of their behaviour, and seemingly don't give a damn.
I recently had said to me "...nobody cares, suck it up or get out of the way."
"No one likes a cry baby."

I started to react with anger because those comments were so full of hate. But something came over me, I cannot explain it, I responded with kindness, thanking him for his kind comments.
Okay, so I was being sarcastic, oh well.
I still got a laugh out of it.

But, the reason i shared this was to show how many still look upon those of us who just happen to have a mental illness.

We are negative people that only behave negatively and presumed to be weak.

That is the way society is, "Only the strong survive."
And all the crybabies can just shut up.
"No one needs to hear or see that."

Out of sight, out of mind right?

Society would rather ignore and forget about the mentally ill, hoping we would just shut up and go away.

Guess what? We are here, we are not going anywhere!

We have the right to live our lives, just like anyone else has.

We are allowed to choose how to live our lives as we see fit.

You can think of us and say that we are a lost cause.

We are not!!!
Not a single one!!!

We are just like anyone, we just want to live and let live.

We just want to choose and decide for ourselves without someone saying otherwise.

A mental illness, lets say, Borderline Personality Disorder, is no more a negative thing as cancer or whatever you want to name.

Not that either one is a good thing and there's no joy when diagnosed with either one.

All who are ill need support.
No matter what the illness or disorder.
No one can go it alone.

I'm seeking the help that I need.
For so many years I did not for fear of ridicule and judgement.
I remained silent for all of my adult life, I'm 45. As I remained silent for most of my teen-age years. My so-called development years. And you wonder why I am the way I am.

That silence nearly killed me on numerous occasions.
It's the living in silence that kills most of those with mental illnesses and the like.

Do not blame the individual.
Do not call him a coward.

You try living with what the mentally ill do.
And we are the presumed weak.

It takes great strength to admit that there's something going on and are in need of help and support.
However that is.

I know society will never change, the stigma surrounding mental illness will always be there. Although it is getting smaller and smaller.

I do dream of that day when there is no more stigma.

This is the hope that I cling to.

I do not expect or need society to back away and/or back down and admit they were fools.
It's just not going to happen.

I accept that.
I will not blame society for all that I go through any more.

But, know this I am not going anywhere.
I will stand right here.
I will be a voice.
I will not be ignored.
I will not go silently.

Judge me, hate me, accuse and blame me all you want.
I pity you.
You do not realize just how arrogant you are.
And through your arrogance you are most ignorant.

I will live the best I can.
Be a support or a help, or just get out of my way and leave me alone.

I will not just survive, I will thrive!

Your assumptions and presumptions are all misconceptions.
I will make it known just what mental illness is.

If I have anything to say about it.
I will let you know.
I will educate and communicate.

I will be a voice for the voiceless.
My words will offer empowerment and encouragement.

I dream that many more will wake up and will end their silence.
No more will be lost to the silence that screams in a mind.

I don't care what the world says, we are the strong ones.
We are the brave and courageous ones.

Now stand! Be counted!

You are not alone!
Not in this, not in anything!
You certainly are not the only ones.
We are many.
And we will live.

We are learning.
We are growing.

One day mental illness will be no more.
We will be the change.
We will be the cure.

"We are not the problem, we are the solution." (unknown)

Keep in mind that "people fear that which they don't understand nor can they control."

We don't need to be understood.
We don't need to be controlled.

Do not call us negative people.
We are positive people.

We are learning how to live.
We are taking back our own lives.
We will live!

"If you don't have anything helpful to say, then don't say anything." (unknown)

"God come closer, as I draw nigh to You."
"Use me as You will, Oh Lord."
"I am Your humble servant."
"Give me the words someone needs to hear."
"I am Yours, send me, I will go."
"In the Holy Name of Jesus the Christ."
"Amen."

All I seek to do with this blog is to uplift and empower.
Not just sharing myself and my thoughts and feeling.
I am of the One who sent me.

In ending:
"RISE AND RISE AGAIN, TILL THE LAMBS BECOME LIONS." (unknown)
Meaning: NEVER GIVE UP.

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY

Hannah Markscheid - Google+ - please repost I hate cancer

Hannah Markscheid - Google+ - please repost I hate cancer

SUICIDE-NO ONE WANTS TO TALK ABOUT IT (THAT SILENCE IS THE TRUE KILLER)

"Suicide? I don't want to talk about that!"

Something most will say.

One in five teenagers commit suicide.

Suicide among teenagers is the #1 cause of death next to only accidental deaths.

WHY?!!!!

"Life sucks!" "Why am I here?" "I wish they would just leave me the hell alone!" "I'm not important." "I don't matter." "I'm worthless." "I'm stupid." "it all just hurts too much." "I just want the pain to stop." "I just want out of here." "No one cares anyway." "I feel all alone." "What the hell's this so-called life for?" "I just don't see the point in living this life, my life's dead, I might as well be too." "I give up, I don't really care any more."

"I want to die!"

All of the above is some of what someone who is suicidal feels.

Is suicide exclusive to someone who is mentally ill?

Not necessarily.

Is suicide a coward's way out?

NO!!! 

When someone attempts to kill them self are they crying out for help?

Not necessarily.

Is suicide preventable?

YES!!!

Is only someone who is depressed or suffers from a depressive mood disorder going to try and kill themselves?

No.

Is there help for someone who is a friend and/or is family of one who is suicidal?

YES!!!

Why would someone want to kill their own self?

There is no clear answer to this question.

Is suicide a sin?

NO!!!

Will I go to Hell if I kill myself?

NO!!!

How can I stop someone from killing their own self?

You cannot. If someone really wants to kill their own self, then they will.

But, that being said, on the other hand, you can.

Love, emphasize, listen, be willing to be there when they want or need help.

Love covers a multitude of things.

All anyone wants is someone to care and will always be willing to listen.

WILLING, LOVING SUPPORT IS KEY TO EVERYTHING THAT I HAVE ANSWERED!!!

Depression is a serious mood disorder that quite often leads to the feelings and emotions that I started this article off with.

But that does not mean someone with a depressive disorder is always going to be suicidal.

Never make presumptions and/or assumptions.

As always, help, support and treatment are most important if one is going to reach some plane of recovery.

And remember, love is needed foremost if you are going to help or offer support.

There are other mental illnesses that could lead to suicide attempts.

Such as; personality disorders, eg. Borderline Personality Disorder.

Some of the symptoms of BPD are, self destructive behaviour. Cutting, carving, self mutilation, and so on...

Suicidal thoughts, suicidal fantasies, and suicidal tendencies.

I should add, personality disorders are serious mood disorders as well.

That's where the aforementioned behaviours manifest from.

That being serious mood swings, very dark and deep moods, and a traumatic event might lead to and/or cause the certain dark mood(s).

Bi Polar Affective Disorder and all its' wide spectrum of sub-disorders.

Bi Polar comes with manic moods, where one gets little to no sleep. Their brain is seemingly stuck in overdrive.

The individual usually thinks of themselves better than everything and everyone.

Then there's the extreme euphoria.

But all of the above can really wear on someone and quite often leads to very deep, dark anger and/or rage. Individuals have been known to be very violent.

Bi Polar also has the other side, that being a depressive state.

Where one would sleep almost all of the time.

Feelings of self-loathing, self-judgement, and so on accompany.

Feeling little to no energy at all.

So there's anger here too, one might feel anger towards them self for being this way.

All this behaviour could, might and will lead to suicidal behaviours and/or attempts.

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder is strongly linked to Bi Polar, and can come with the suicidal behaviours. But, is somewhat rare.

Anxiety disorders have been known to lead to suicidal behaviours, as well.

Some of the anxiety disorders are alarmingly similar to BPD and BiPo.

Are there "warning signs" that someone is going to attempt to kill themselves?

Yes and no.

There are behaviours that the individual might exhibit like; going around to everyone and saying to them just how much they love them.

Seemingly always apologizing for all the bad and the wrong they did in their life.

The giving away of important possessions.

Then there's the complete separation from all family and friends.

Now, I'm not saying that if they exhibit these, some, "behaviours" that they are going to attempt suicide.

The "behaviours" are strong warning signs but could be a part of something else, like an undiagnosed mental illness, and/or an extreme depression from events that occur in their life that could be very traumatic for them. Such as constant bullying, harassment, ridicule, and harsh judgements.

If someone really wants to kill themselves, they will.

Even when there is an "intervention".

They will have a plan from the start and if need be, are willing to modify and/or have a back-up plan to use. As screwed up as that sounds.

I do not suggest a constant vigil on the individual. 

That's why they withdraw.

It could also make the suicide attempt more urgent.

Suicide is very real. And deserves the utmost of respect.

If you don't, it will rear its' ugly head and will bite you in the ass, deep.

Depression, personality and/or mood disorders are, even more so, real. All the behaviours that come with most to some of mental illnesses pose a huge threat to all of us who live with mental illness(es).

As I said, do not keep constant vigil, just be willing to be there to listen and to offer a strong shoulder to cry and lean on.

I CANNOT EMPHASIZE ENOUGH, THAT YOU, AND THE FAMILY AND FRIENDS, SEEK HELP AND SUPPORT FOR YOURSELVES!!!

You need to know how to, in turn, offer support and help if asked of.

Never try to help anyone who has not asked for it!

That is presumptuous. All that will only serve to make the individual all the more angry, and maybe turn thoughts of suicide to an implantation of one's "last resort plan".

As with anything in life, love is key.

It is greatly needed if one is going to offer any kind of support.

I should add, you need to be patient, and not show any worry. Shown worry could be a stressor or a trigger to the suicidal individual.

Do not let yourself become frustrated, that is completely counterproductive.

Let the individual come to you if they want help, if you're always offering to help or to be there for them all the time is even more counterproductive. And again, could be stressors and triggers.

Just love them as any family member and/or friend would.

Now, to any suicidal individuals who feel any or all of the feelings I mentioned in the opening paragraph of this article.

Please, I repeat, PLEASE! YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! NO!!! NOT IN ANYTHING!!!

YOU ARE LOVED!!! YOU MATTER!!! YOU ARE NEEDED HERE!!! LIFE AND THE WORLD JUST WOULDN'T BE THE SAME WITHOUT YOU!!!!

May I humbly suggest that you seek the help you sorely need.

Do not be afraid to ask for help, it does NOT show weakness, rather, it shows great strength and courage to admit to and in need of said help.

My name is Scott David Buckley, and I am a suicide survivor.

Many times over.

I live with Borderline Personality Disorder, Bi Polar Affective Disorder (BI Po II), Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Generalized & Social Anxiety Disorder.

Which I have done so since my early to mid teenage years, and all of my adult years.

I am 45.

I know what it feels like to feel so empty, helpless and hopeless.

I do understand all the feelings and the emotions that go along with feeling that way.

In some small part I still do feel that way still.

I am not a professional in the mental health field of any kind.

I do not trust many of them.

I am just a man who has gone through a lot, saw and experienced a lot in my so-called life.

I just want to offer options to any suicidal individuals and their family and friends.

I only seek, as always, to empower and encourage the best that I know how.

AGAIN, IF YOU NEED HELP, PLEASE ASK FOR IT!!!

That goes for the loved ones of and the individual both.

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY

LINKS TO IMPORTANT RESOURCES:

CRISIS SUPPORT/CANADIAN MENTAL HEALTH ASSOCIATION, ONTARIO DIVISION

CRISIS CENTRES INTERNATIONAL ASSOCIATION FOR SUICIDE PREVENTION

NATIONAL SUICIDE PREVENTION LIFELINE

CRISIS SUPPORT/CANADIAN MENTAL HEALTH ASSOCIATION, ONTARIO DIVISION

SUICIDE HELP & MY STORY-YouTube

CTV NEWS-SUICIDE PREVENTION RESOURCES

WHAT MAKES A NEGATIVE ENVIRONMENT, AND WHO'S TO BLAME?

Who is to blame for our suffering, for all our pain and anguish?

Do we do it all to ourselves?

Does God let afflictions happen to us?

Is God angry with us?

Has His favour gone from us?

Or is it just the way life is sometimes?

Why do people get sick?

Why are some seemingly stricken all too early?

Then taken from us all too early.

Who's to blame, or is no one really to blame?

I guess that's just how life goes sometimes.

People always seem to have to blame someone or something for all their troubles in life.

Why does anyone have to be to blame for anything and/or everything?

Life goes where it wills.

Life does what it wills.

If God is in control.

Then why is life allowed to run unreigned?

It is so easy to lay all the blame on God.

It is easy to lay all the blame on the way life is sometimes.

All this brings bitterness, anger and eventually passionate hate.

I do not believe any of this is healthy for us.

It's not going to make us feel any better.

It just seems to me that we who suffer and are afflicted should better spend our time putting all our efforts to useful and productive things.

Our sufferings and afflictions flourish in a negative environment.
But wither and die in a positive one.

I know it is essential for my mental illnesses to be in a positive environment.
It just makes me feel sicker when surrounded by too much negativity.

I try to keep my head up.
But the negativity always ends up pulling me down.
So I avoid negativity at all costs.
Even if it means estranging myself from loved ones.
Whether right or wrong, I need to make sure I am at least not influenced negatively.

But, to tell you the truth, it isn't really working.
In fact it makes me feel worse.
It all is so confusing and frustrating.
I always end up getting angry with myself.
Bringing more negativity down on myself.
I guess I am shooting myself in my own foot.

You see, with the avoidance of what I perceive to be negative is actually blaming others for my current situation.
I am blaming others for how I am feeling.
The negativity is actually coming from myself.

So, I go back to my original question:
Who's to blame?

No one.

It's not life's fault.
It's not society's fault.
It's not the way the world is.
It's not God's fault.
It's not even our own fault.

It's all up to you, it's all up to me,
To create a positive environment for ourselves.
We are the only ones who create a negative environment.

It's so easy to be anti,
The challenge is not to be.
We can look after ourselves other than using avoidance.

There are exceptions for everything, of course.
When one is in a violent environment,
when one is in an abusive environment,
and when one is in a deviant behaviour environment.

The choice is still ours, whether to remain in those environments or not.
I know though, it's seemingly almost impossible.
When one sees no way out,
when one feels alone and helpless.

I can understand that.

That also brings up my question again;
who's to blame?
As for me, it is easy to point the finger at the one who perpetrated these evil acts.
But, am I being judgmental?
Am I creating a negative environment around myself again?

When judging and hating others there in itself creates a negative environment.
Then one will feel the overwhelming feeling to flee.

After all is said, I honestly cannot say who is to blame.
It doesn't really matter.
We all do need to look out for ourselves,
but do we need to do it at the expense of our own selves?

I cannot say.
It's all up to the individual to decide what is best for them self.
As long as there is no laying of blame on anything or on anyone.
But, then again we all need to do whatever we need to do to look after ourselves.

But, keep this in mind,
are you trading one negative environment for another?
Is the laying of blame creating a negative environment for our own selves?

To be positive one must be positive.
We have that power of choice always.
No one can tell us otherwise.

However you need to do to be positive, be positive.
And that means no laying of blame.

Dear brothers and sisters, just be positive and your environment will always be positive, it's all up to you and me.

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY

I WONDER WHY "CHRISTIAN AUTHORS" DON'T WRITE ABOUT MENTAL ILLNESS (Not just specifics like "emotions", "moods", & so on...)

When I go to my local Christian bookstore, I walk in and the first thing I am faced with is the "new release" book section.

Now, you might be thinking, "what's so special about that?"

Well, nothing really.

Except for the fact that three shelves are all self-help books written by "Christian authors". Maybe two shelves contain fictional and testimony books.

In the store there are about three rows of shelves dedicated to self-help for the "Christian". A row and a half dedicated to devotionals. And that's not including the special display by the check out.

Then there is a special wall row dedicated to "special" self-help books. I don't remember what makes them "special", I don't pay any attention to it.

Then there's three wall rows dedicated to all sizes, age groups, theological, leather bound, nylon bound, study, and all the many different translations of bibles. Sheesh!

As well, there are about three rows dedicated to fiction novels, romance, drama, political thriller, mystery, thriller, and fantasy. And a row for the youth aimed fiction novels, containing the aforementioned novel genres.

Now, one might be thinking why I am writing about this. To tell the truth, I'm not exactly sure myself.

It's still in the process of processing info before coming out of my mind.

I'll play the ADHD card with this.

I was just talking with my mom just after looking through an advert newsletter type magazine selling all types of "Christian books". Most of them being "Christian self-help" books.

And I noticed that quite a lot were specific on familiar subjects that I am quite familiar with.

That being emotions, moods, brokenness, and so on.

It struck me that not a one of the books mentioned anything about mental illness.

Which is where a lot of the problems with the subjects that mentioned just above.

It seems to  me that "Christian authors" are still denying the strong link between problems with emotions, moods and so on...

There was not a single book on the subject of mental illness.

This makes me sad, considering how prevalent mental illness is in society today, and that includes the "Christian society".

In Canada, one in five people have experienced and/or are experiencing one mental illness or another.

And more disturbing, suicide in teens is the number one killer next only to accidental death.

Depression is NOT just being "depressed" or just "feeling down".

Depressive disorders are very real illnesses and do kill a lot, both in teen-agers and adults; mostly women over men.

I am a Christian, who just happens to have five mental illnesses.

Those being Borderline Personality Disorder, Bi Polar Affective Disorder (Bipo II), Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, and Generalized and Social Anxiety Disorders.

I am unable to work due to them, as I have been for the last almost six years.

Mental illnesses are just like any other illness, the sooner you catch it, the easier or the higher the chance of recovery or the treatment working.

The longer one goes without diagnosis, the harder the treatment and the less likely for the chance for any kind of recovery.

Okay, back to what I was talking about before, ADHD again.

Many, as I have already said, live everyday with their illness(es) with little or no hope.

They suffer in silence, for fear of ridicule, and/or judgement.

Ooops, went off topic again. lol

As I was saying before, there were no books that addressed this ever growing issue of mental illness(es).

I have to wonder why.

Do Christians not think that mental health issues are worth writing about?

Do some Christians still think like in the dark ages?

Where it was widely believed that mental illnesses were a curse of the devil.

They were believed also, to be judgements from God for one kind of hidden sin or the other.

I think it is mostly due to the fact that most Christians think that they can just pray everything away, and all will be good and "normal.

Now, I am not questioning the validity of prayer, I know prayer works and can change everything.

But what most Christians don't realize, is that one with mental illness isn't going to necessarily recognize and/or accept an offer of prayer.

One must realize that those of us with mental illness(es) don't have brains that are working properly when it comes to mood and emotional disorders, including any other type of mental illness.

Not to say that we are broken and beyond all repair.

Because we are not!

Maybe to you, not me.

I am not saying praying for us is not a bad thing or useless.

Everyone needs prayer, we all need the comfort and healing of God's grace and unfailing love.

Really, there is no difference between the Christian with mental illness(es) and the Christian without mental illness(es).

However, mentally ill Christians are "unique" in a way.

We are vulnerable to spiritual attacks, maybe even more so than the layperson, because as with any predator, Legion seeks out the so-called weak and sick first whom to attack and devour.

I have many experiences with spiritual attacks.

And I'm not being delusional or paranoid.

I say the Christian with mental illness(es) are "unique" because we face many more challenges than one who is not a Christian but has mental illness(es).

Not only do we have to deal with ourselves, the stigma that surrounds mental illness in general, but all the presumptions, assumptions, and misconceptions of most Christians who just do not, or will not understand what mental illness is.

Mental illness(es) are an imbalance of the chemicals in one's body and brain.

Those chemicals are one's feelings and emotions.

Thus the behaviour most would deem as "strange" and "abnormal".

Mental illness(es) are real and physical illnesses as is Cancer, Diabetes, Cystic Fibrosis and so on and on...

Christians need to catch up to the modern age and realize the unique situation of the Christian who just happens to have mental illness(es).

God would never put anything on anyone, He loves us all, His children.

Nor would He have anyone suffer needlessly.

He would never judge anyone differently than the other just because one just might be sick.

He does, however, use those of us with mental illness(es) to reach those who wouldn't otherwise be reachable, because of the mistrust and fear that exists with the mentally ill.

And justly so.

I should mention God does use the layperson as well to reach people.

I myself have been blessed with the spiritual gift of encouragement.

As well as wisdom.

I have been given many other talents, as with the ability to write poetry, and one day to be an author.

I also paint, draw and am a photographer.

Now, I'm not saying I am more special or gifted and blessed than anyone else, I'm just as screwed up as the next man, irregardless.

I am now seeing I may be the one who starts writing about mental health and the Christian. I do feel a stirring in my heart.

But I am still at the development stage, and am still being prepared for such a huge undertaking.

That's what my purpose in life is, to reach out to those who are like minded to me. To be a voice to and for the silent.

I can hear the silence scream.

So many suffer needlessly in silence for fear of ridicule, judgement that they often experience both in the church and the world. It's this silence that is the true killer.

Not to be blaming anyone, for no one is to blame.

Yes, I think God is trying to tell me something in regards to the lack of books about mental health.

It is definitely time, as it has been for a long time, for the light that I have been given to carry, to carry it out into the open.

I can only hope that I will be a blessing to someone and an encouragement and maybe even an inspiration to someone.

All according to God's perfect will of course.

So, it just might be me to fill the void in Christian book stores with the truth about mental health pertaining to the Christian.

Keep a look out in the "new release" section at your local "Christian bookstore", who knows, maybe you'll find a book on mental health that I wrote.

SCOTT DAVID BUCKLEY